You’ve probably heard people say it before. “Trust no one,” they say, with an eye roll and a head shake, hoping you’ll probe for more answers. “Everybody stabs you in the back eventually.” Is there truth in this statement?
There are a couple of people who will never embrace you in both arms, with one hand rubbing your back and the other holding the knife that will stab it. Just for the sake of suspense, however, I’ll save for the end.
My experience with relationships:
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been the friend who will listen. I love that characterization of me, I really do. I’ve been the one that you may not talk to for months upon months, then one day you’ll stumble across me in the wake of your heartache and all the memories of loyalty come rushing back to you. You’ll remember the time I hugged you with all I had so you wouldn’t feel alone. You’ll remember when I listened to the newest gossip about the poor girl on the cheerleading squad or who broke up with their boyfriend for some irrelevant reason, with my caring head nod and promise to secrecy. You’ll remember that time you got something off your chest that sent chills down your spine to even think about, and I received it with the fire that would burn it. Your heart raced as you realized what you let me in on and you swore me to never breathe a word about it. Never even think about it. Then you went home and pondered how to keep me quiet. Should I never bring it up again and hope she will forget, or should I suck up to her and beg and remind her?
I never spoke a word to anybody. Why? Because you told me not to. Yeah, I’m that one. You forgot you even spoke to me, but your secret is safe with me. I won’t bring it up to you or anyone else.
Trust…it’s a beautiful thing.
I like to think of trust as a piece of pottery. You spend so much time building up this piece. It gets stronger and stronger as time passes. It dries and becomes normal. It’s trusted and sturdy. Maybe even forgotten. Until one day, you bump into the table it’s on. It hits the floor with a shatter, and you don’t even have to look down to know there are more pieces than you can count scattered about the ground. There is no rebuilding it. You can glue all you want, but it will never look the same as it once did.
Deep, right? I know.
Yay for analogies.
An honest count of how many people I trust with my whole heart involves one of my hands.
Here’s the thing. I’ve learned over the years that I am a very rash person. If you’re nice to me, I will literally give you my all. If you respect me, I will respect you. If you are loyal to me, I will be loyal to you. And, if you’re not, I will still be loyal to you. That’s the catch with me. I like to think about treating people like they treat me, but that’s not the reality. I treat people how I think everybody wants to be treated. For example, every person on the planet needs someone who will love them, support them, and be trustworthy and loyal. I will be that person. And because I’ve had a lack of those types of friends in my life, I will be that person for literally anybody. I know how it feels to wrack my brain to think of somebody who will just listen to me, so I can simply get it off my chest. It’s the worst. And, because of that, I’ve turned into what seems to be a punching bag.
Again, with the analogies. But really. I’m always there, ready to take in whatever you’re about to give me, and I continuously rebound no matter what you tell me. But do I give it to anybody else on the other side? No.
If you lose my trust, fine. Apologize and I’ll know not to trust you anymore and we’ll be “fine and dandy.” However, you won’t lose mine.
Here’s why I am writing this:
I can’t find anybody who will give me this same loyalty.
With the exception of my fiancé, I wish I could name more than a few friends to you that haven’t turned around and done something derogatory toward me.
Let me just say, I don’t talk about people. If I talk about people openly around you, consider yourself lucky and one of the few. I think everybody has their own secrets and I think the second those get released, they get twisted in the wind like hair. Everybody deserves for their side of the story to be heard. If your side is understandable, go you. If your argument is self-serving, attention-seeking, and irrelevant, forget you. Sorry.
Everybody needs somebody who they aren’t scared to talk around.
That’s not readily available.
I have found out that I can’t speak openly around those I used to be able to, so I’ll stop.
My favorite thing about these situations is oftentimes, the people you’re speaking to and trust enough to speak about someone else around are chiming in on their feelings toward that same person. Guess what? They’re usually not positive.
Next, I regret ever speaking about anyone to anyone because that was foolish.
Then, I am hearing from others what so-and-so said that she said that you said that I said.
Even though I get frustrated with this situation, I’m still not going to disclose the information you so kindly asked me not to out of spite because I said I wouldn’t.
Woah. How long has it been since you’ve had that?
So, back to the two people you can trust.
Yep, that’s about it. So, moral of the story is this: don’t trust people openly as I so often do. I don’t even have a solution to this, because basically most people suck in this department of a friendship or relationship.
Okay. Be loyal if you say you’re going to be loyal. If you’re not, at least tell me about your other faces. Example of trustworthy people. So they do exist. Yay.
*disclaimer: Don’t read into this and try to apply it to my life. Apply it to yours. 🙆